Top Ten Signs You're a Gay Cowboy

10. Your saddle is Versace.

9. Instead of 'Home On The Range', you sing 'It's Raining Men' .

8. You enjoy ridin', ropin', and redecoratin' .

7. Sold your livestock to buy tickets to 'Mamma Mia' .

6. After watching reruns of 'Gunsmoke', you have to take a cold shower.

5. Native Americans refer to you as 'Dances With Men' .

4. You've been lassoed more times than most steers.

3. You're wearing chaps, yet your 'ranch' is in Chelsea.

2. Instead of a saloon, you prefer a salon.

1. You love riding, but you don't have a horse .

Christmas Carols for Every Neurosis

Agoraphobia: I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day But Wouldn't Leave My House

Amnesia: I Don't Know If I'll Be Home For Christmas

Autistic: Jingle Bell Rock and Rock and Rock and Rock, etc. etc. Once Every Hour Forever.

Borderline Personality Disorder: Thoughts of Me Roasting on an Open Fire

Delusional: O Come Let You Adore Me

Full Personality Disorder: You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout, and I Won't Tell You Why!.

Manic: Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Buses and Trucks and Trees and Fire Hydrants and anything else that doesn't move in my path with decorations that will dazzle everyone.

Multiple Personality Disorder: We Are Three Queens Just Look At Us - Wow!

Narcissistic: Hark the Herald Angels Sing about me, Me, ME!

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder: Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, and on and on and on - you get the idea...

Oppositional Defiant Disorder: I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus.... So I Burned Down the House

Paranoid: Santa Claus Is Coming To Get Me

Personality Disorder: You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout, I'll Tell You Why - It is all Because of YOU!

Schizophrenia: Do You Hear What I Hear?

Senile Dementia: Walking in a Winter Wonderland Miles from My House in My Slippers and Robe, now who am I?

Social Anxiety Disorder: Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas While I Sit Here and Hyperventilate